The Idolatry of Patriarchy

I don’t think there are very many Christian women in America whose lives haven’t been touched by the idea that women are subservient to men or that wives are submission to their husbands. In one way or another, whether by choice or by culture, most Christian women here acknowledge that there is a substantial percentage of Christians who believe that women hold a role very different from men, whether as a wife to her husband, or as a woman serving in the church.

Lately, however, another side—much more personal—to this discussion, at least for me. And that is the idea that my husband is my “head” or “covering.”

A number of years ago, I took on a legal responsibility for a beloved family member. On the good side, I saw it as a solemn trust. On the bad side, I was very proud that I was chosen over others for this responsibility. (And boy, does God see when we do something out of pride!). Anyway, long story short, over the course of time, I got involved with an attorney who took a disliking of me. Actually, it’s more like nuclear hatred. And it’s been downhill since then.

I hate fights! I want people to like me, to approve of me, to compliment me. (Yes, I know, all things tied into pride.) Needless to say, this entire mess has kept me up more nights than necessary and consumed my thoughts and emotions more than anything should.

What a lesson I’m learning. But back to patriarchy.

In the middle of all this, I realized that I was wishing my husband could just stand up in court and tell the judge that he (my husband) didn’t want me involved in all this . . . and that would be that. In other words, I was wishing that my husband could solve my problems, protect me, shield me.

Instead of God.

I discovered that I was looking to my husband as my source, my protector, my rescuer. (Now, I’m sure there are patriarchists who are reading this and asking, “Well, what’s so wrong with that?”) What I also discovered is that I was ignoring God in all this process. I wasn’t looking to HIM as my source. I wasn’t looking to HIM as my protector. I wasn’t looking to HIM to rescue me. I put my husband in the place of God.

The Bible calls that idolatry, short and simple. No way around it.

Now, I know there are great things about a traditional family model. I’m all for parents homeschooling, spending much more time with their children, for being deliberate in their child rearing. I homeschooled my children and totally support that movement. I having nothing against women being homemakers (and wish that, financially, we could afford for me to stay home). But what I do see in the patriarchal movement is a very strong, often unspoken tendency to create an environment where women end up looking to their husbands rather than God.

When the children of Israel left Exodus, they went to Aaron and said: “Come, make gods for us, who shall go before us” (Exodus 32:1 NRSV). It’s very easy for us, as human beings, to look to a creation (rather than the Creator) to get us out of a jam. How convenient it can be for us women to look to our husbands to solve the hurts of life rather than to trust God in the darkness for what He wants to do. Our husbands will often protect us out of their own pride. God, on the other hand, often leads us through the suffering and trials of the darkness so that we can be changed into the likeness of His Son. One way is easy; the other is hard.

I wonder if the patriarchists ever considered the fact that theirs might end up being the easier way?

Lusts of the flesh

Therefore, do not let sin exercise dominion in your mortal bodies, to make you obey their passions. No longer present your members to sin as instruments^ of wickedness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and present your members to God as instruments ^of righteousness. Romans 6:12-13 NRSV

My husband and I were having a discussion this morning at breakfast. I asked him two questions (because, not being a guy, I really don't know how things work for them).

(1) Can a man control his lusts when he sees a sexy woman?
(2) Once a man is aroused, can he control himself?

I mean, it seems to me that there's a lot of discussion about how women should dress modestly so as not to tempt men, but not a lot of discussion about how men need to have self-control. Now, I do agree that it's important as believers we not do things that would lead others into sin. But I believe certain passages of scripture as taken way out of context. One such passage is:

"But take care that this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if others see you, who possess knowledge, eating in the temple of an idol, might they not, since their conscience is weak, be encouraged to the point of eating food sacrificed to idols? So by your knowledge those weak believers for whom Christ died are destroyed.^ But when you thus sin against members of your family, and wound their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ." (1 Corinthians 8:9-12 NRSV)

Notice that, in this passage, Paul is talking about believers who are weaker. If this passage is used to say that women can lead men into temptation, then the conclusion must be that men are weaker in the faith than women. And that's just preposterous.

So, back to the two questions I asked my husband. His answer, of course, to both was "no." Of course men can control their emotions and responses, even when looking at a sexy woman. And, of course, men can control their actions, if they become sexually aroused.

So, am I advocating that Christian women don't pay attention to how they dress? Of course not. But I am saying that Christian men need to stop blaming women for their own lack of self-control.